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The Best and Worst of the 50 States

Not to brag, but I've probably seen more of America than any person I've ever known.  So far, I've lived in 20 cities and 8 states in all parts of the U.S. and have driven through each of the 50 states several times (see My Previous Roadtrips).  Yes, I've known folks who've driven coast-to-coast on Interstate freeways dozens of times, but I don't really consider that seeing America -- that's watching an endless stream of McDonalds and Holiday Inns fly by the windshield.  I'm talking about discovering America by traveling the two-lane highways, visiting with folks in small towns and big cities, stopping at historical signs, visiting offbeat attractions, and learning about this amazing country first-hand.

During my travels, I've learned that each state has its own personality and its own positive and negative attributes.  I've listed my opinions of the best and worst of America below:

• Friendliest:  I used to say that the South was the friendliest place in America.  I've traveled through the South a lot and have found most Southerners to be very courteous -- yes, the concept of "Southern Hospitality" is alive and well.  On this trip, though, I had some bad experiences in the South.  While I met a lot of incredibly friendly and helpful folks in the South on this trip (as I do every time I go there), I also met a handful of intolerant jerks, so I've reassessed the situation. 

Overall, I think the friendliest place in the U.S. is the rural Midwest, especially Wisconsin, Minnesota, and the Dakotas.  While rural Midwesterners have a reputation for being stodgy and behind the times, during the three months that I traveled through the Midwest on this trip, I didn't meet anyone who wasn't friendly.  I just wish the winter weather in the Midwest was as warm as the people there. 

Above left:  Some friendly Midwesterners.  Here are my grad school friends, Brad and Cynde (left) in Madison, Wisconsin.

Above center:  And some more friendly Madisonians after a few beers.

Above right:  Maybe this is why Midwesterners are so friendly.  This is a Beer Festival in Madison.

• Worst Drivers:   Florida absolutely has the worst drivers.  As I learned many years ago when I lived near Tampa, you take your life into your own hands when you get on the Florida Interstates.  Why are drivers so bad there?  It's a combination of elderly retirees (who don't know where the accelerator is), college kids visiting during spring break (who don't know where the brake pedal is), and out-of-state tourists (who don't know where they're going).  The roads in Florida are a real zoo, especially in the spring.

• Best Drivers:  Oregon, by far.  I rank driving competence from best to worst as follows:

• Steepest Roads:  The steepest paved roads are definitely in Colorado.  Road elevations here range from 4,000 feet on the eastern plains to over 12,000 feet in the Rocky Mountains.  Regionally, the steepest paved roads are in the Bighorn Mountains of north-central Wyoming.  It doesn't matter if you take U.S. 14 or U.S. 16 through the Bighorns, they'll both tear up your transmission with their 15% grades.  Get your brakes checked before driving across the Bighorns.

• Flattest Roads:  Louisiana is the flattest state, though Florida and Illinois follow close behind.  Louisiana is interesting because you can drive for 100 miles straight north and gain less than 100 feet in elevation.  There's standing water on the sides of the road (and armadillo roadkill) just about everywhere in Louisiana.  And speaking of flat, the Florida Everglades is probably the flattest region in the U.S.  Illinois is also pancake-flat but, unlike Florida and Louisiana, it's not interesting at all.  And speaking of that...

• Most Interesting:  Although Louisiana is pretty interesting, I'd have to say California.  Yes, California is the most culturally superficial state, but I think it's also the most interesting in terms of history, geography, vegetation and just about any other category.  The Golden State has more variety and more interesting places, by far, than any other place in the U.S.  It's like a geographic microcosm of the U.S. and it has an interesting history, too.  Unfortunately, California also has more people than any other state, which is why I'll probably never move back.  That and the outrageously expensive housing.

• Least Interesting:  The most boring state is that black hole of banality called Indiana.  Spare me the torture of driving across the Hoosier State again.  Yeah, states farther west like Iowa and the Dakotas are just as flat, but at least you can SEE things there.  Indiana, on the other hand, is covered with trees.  Another problem is that the state has no history.  Nothing interesting has ever happened here, except Bobby Knight.

• Most Arrogant:  There's no competition here: it's Texas, and I think our current president exemplifies that.  Yep, Texans are mighty proud to be from Texas.  In fact, they truly feel sorry for anyone not lucky enough to be born in Texas.  You see the Lone Star flag everywhere in Texas.  I used to deal with thousands of Texans every summer when I worked as a ranger in the Colorado Rockies and they're a unique breed.  Yeah, they're arrogant and will proudly brag about being from Texas, but for the most part they're friendly and easy-going folks.

Above left:  Colorado's definitely got the steepest roads.  Here's my ranger buddy Laurie working on my favorite road in the Colorado Rockies:  Engineer Pass, near Lake City, at 12,800', one of the highest roads in the nation.

Above center:  And speaking of steep roads, here I'm heading up into the Bighorn Mountains in Wyoming.  Note the steep roadcut way up ahead.  Got brakes?

Above right:  Rock Reef Pass in the Florida Everglades at a staggering elevation of 3 feet.  I better downshift.

• Most Attractive Women:  California has the most attractive women -- along with the most silicone, plastic, and Botox.  Yep, looks count for a lot in the Golden State.  Utah is a close second.  I don't know what's in the water that those Mormons drink, but Utah women are incredibly beautiful (and very blonde).  The city with the prettiest women is Boston.  I've visited almost every major city in America and the women of Boston, while they don't all look like Ally McBeal, are by far the most attractive.  And no, I'm not a sexist pig.

• Most Bizarre: This is a tossup between Utah and Florida, with Nevada close behind.  Utah is an unusual place not just culturally, with its Mormon population and polygamist settlements, but also physically with impressive mountain ranges in the north and red sandstone landscapes in the south.  Not surprisingly, Utah is either near the top or bottom of the 50 states in just about every demographic category.  Though it's a lovely state, Florida is just plain weird.  There are more strange tourist attractions in Florida, by far, than in any other place in America.  Having lived there a while back, I can affectionately say that Florida is one wacky, tacky place.

• Prettiest Capitol Building:  I've visited 45 of the 50 capital cities so far (all but Charleston, Raleigh, Columbia, Concord, and Frankfort), so I can't speak for the capitol buildings there.  But of the ones I've seen, the prettiest capitol building is in Madison, Wisconsin.  Madison's capitol looks a lot like the U.S. capitol building, and when it's lit at night it's absolutely beautiful. 

• Ugliest Capitol Building:  A tie between North Dakota's capitol in Bismarck and Oregon's capitol in Salem.  The North Dakota capitol, called the "Skyscraper on the Prairie" looks like a plain office building and is totally unremarkable in every way.  And North Dakotans wonder why the state has such a bland image.  Oregon's capitol building is just plain ugly.  The capitol looks like they were planning to build a beautiful dome, then ran out of money and had to put a flat roof on it.  The first time I saw Oregon's capitol building, I figured it wasn't finished yet, but then I learned that it's been that way for 60 years.

Above left:  The beautiful Wisconsin state capitol building in Madison.

Above right:  And the not-so-beautiful North Dakota capitol building.  You'd think it was an office building except for that sign in front that says "North Dakota Capitol."  I can't show you a picture of Oregon's state capitol building -- it's just too ugly.

• Most Materialistic:  Definitely California, and especially Southern California, where I lived for five years, and the Bay Area, where I lived for nine.  It always amazes me how Californians are in a constant race with their neighbors to earn more and more money just so they can buy more and more stuff.  There's an insidious and constant materialistic pressure there that's both sad and repugnant.  Not that my friends in California are that way, though.

• Least Materialistic:  A tossup between Vermont and the Dakotas.  No, most people in these three states don't have a lot of money or stuff, but they're generally well-grounded and relationships mean a lot more here than things.  I've spent a fair bit of time in Vermont and it's incredibly different from the neighboring states of New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and New York, with down-to-earth values and a much slower pace of life.  The folks in North and South Dakota are also terrific and, in many ways, embody what's best about Americans.

• Most Snobbish:  New England, by far.  Within New England, Massachusetts is the most snooty state, although Connecticut is a close second.  The aristocracy there doesn't like to associate with recent arrivals (i.e., those whose ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower in 1620).  Jeez, mine "only" came over in 1626, so I'm a veritable newcomer!  The most snobbish cities in America are Boston, Massachusetts and Charleston, South Carolina, while Orange County, California is the most snobbish county in the U.S.  I know because I used to live there, but please don't hold that against me.

• Best State Parks:  Oregon state parks are the best in the U.S. and there are state parks just about everywhere throughout the Beaver State.  Facilities in Oregon state parks are generally good, though there haven't been any new Oregon state parks added in several years and the park system has been resting on its laurels for a while.  California state parks are a close second, and Minnesota's state parks are pretty nice, too.

• Worst State Parks:  Generally anywhere in the Southeast, with the exception of Florida.  Unfortunately, these states don't support their park systems, and it really shows.  There are few state parks anywhere in the Southeast and the facilities are generally in poor shape.  Even worse, there are some really big, scary spiders in the campground showers there.  From what I've seen, though, Florida has a pretty impressive park system with generally good facilities.

Above left:  Heceta Head State Park, one of the 70 state parks that line Oregon's 360-mile coast.

Above center:  Breakfast stop at Cape Sebastian State Park, with one of the best views on the Oregon coast.

Above right:  Cooking brats (as in bratwurst) at Kilen Woods State Park in southern Minnesota.

• Most Historic:  A tossup between Virginia and Massachusetts.  Virginia is one giant Magical History Tour, and you could spend weeks visiting the battlefields here and still not see them all.  Virginia is also home to more Presidents (eight, I believe) than any other state.  Massachusetts also has a lot of interesting sites, though more on the literary side.  The state is stuffed with fascinating places from Plymouth Plantation in the east to -- one of my favorite sites -- Stockbridge's Norman Rockwell Museum out west.

• Least Historic:  A tie between Nevada and Michigan.  Other than some mines at Virginia City (remember "Bonanza"?), there just aren't many historic sites in the Silver State.  Pioneers either avoided Nevada altogether or they hurried through it as fast as possible on their way to California -- and can you blame them?  Michigan has no excuse.  It's been around for a long time and yet nothing has ever happened there.  And I should know, because that's where I grew up.

Weather or Not

• Best Summers:  While California has the best overall weather of any state, I think Oregon has the best summers.  Oregon summers are ideal, with consistently sunny days, pleasant temperatures with very little humidity, and it's not as hot as California.  Washington summers aren't too shabby, either.

• Worst Summers:  Anywhere in the Deep South, and the deeper you go, the worse it gets.  Can you say "Steam Bath"?  Florida wasn't even inhabitable until air-conditioning was invented.  Everyone in the South sweats constantly in the summer and if you drive without air-conditioning, be ready to wash out the salt stains from the back of your shirt.  It's nasty.

• Best Winters:  Florida.  In fact, that's the reason I moved there during the winter of 1987 -- and then left in May when it started getting sticky.

• Worst Winters:  The winters in Maine are pretty nasty, with all the snow, ice storms, and a spring that never seems to come.  However, I think the worst winters are in North Dakota, eh?  I like North Dakota but the winters there are verrrrrry long and bitterly cold.  No wonder North Dakota's population has been dwindling for decades.  I once visited North Dakota in late March and the snow never stopped falling.  The summers are nice, though, but they're way too short.   

And The Winner Is...

• Overall Best State:  Every state is wonderful in its own way, and hopefully every person will think their own state is the best, because that's why they live there.  And so I think Oregon is the best state, despite its drab winters.  Oregon has nice folks, generally good weather, progressive politics, great scenery, it's uncrowded and, unlike California, people there can actually afford to buy houses.  Yes, it has an ugly capitol building, but overall there's no state that can top Oregon.  But to paraphrase former Oregon governor Tom McCall, just don't move there, o.k.?

Putting It All Together

People who know how much I've traveled around America sometimes ask me where's the best place to live.  Some are young in search of the "perfect city" to start out, while others are retired, looking for the perfect place to spend their last years.  I always have a hard time answering that question, because there are things that I like about every part of the country.  But as you can tell from this list, I believe that every region also has its drawbacks.  Not only that, but everyone has a different definition of an "ideal place," which I'm reminded of every time I see one of those ridiculous lists about the 10 Best Places To Live or Retire (always good for a laugh).  

I think the closest you can get to finding a "perfect place" is to find the area where you're the most comfortable and that feels like home -- or make it feel like home in your own mind, which from my 19 moves, I'm convinced that anyone can do wherever they may be.  After all, as a young girl from Kansas once said, "There's no place like home."